Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
