Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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