I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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