Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
