I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
