All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
