When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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