So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
