I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
