can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
operation have a gay friend backfired
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
