It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
