Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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