Where is the hickey?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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