shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
