I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
