its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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