there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
