I'm lost and stupid without you.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
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