Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
