I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
