can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
