I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
