Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just pee around me
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize