So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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