I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
