he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
