i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
These tits shall not be calmed
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
