My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
