Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
