My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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