Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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