I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
