lets start a swedish sibling band together
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
