i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize