11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
