Only a mothe r could love this liver
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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