Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
