You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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