Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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