.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
