my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
