woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
