i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize