Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
