i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
