I wish I only lived at night.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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