Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
