When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
3pm strippers are depressing
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
