When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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