Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
