I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
