her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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