So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
