Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
don't judge my taste in strippers
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
