She went from zero to smokin in five shots
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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