Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
