I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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