happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
