so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
