I'm passing your future prison.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
