Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
