I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
