captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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