i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
