We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
