considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
