Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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