please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
how drunk are you?
Several
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
