Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
