Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize