Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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