The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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